YULIA BYCHKOVA AND JEFF JENNER
“… and then we called each other every single day–for 3 years!”
From Jeff: I was a member of the Affinity Exchange for several years or so and had some losses on failing to find a wife. I thought about going off it but didn’t because I knew that I would find the one for me sooner or later. I had a strong postulate to make this happen.
About four years ago, I emailed my future wife for the first time. She was living in Vancouver, Canada, and I was in Clearwater, Florida. We carried on our relationship over the phone with great communication for several months. Then I visited her for the first time. It went wonderfully (as I knew it would), and we planned to meet again soon!
There were more “reasons” than I care to mention here for us to stop the relationship right there–one being the huge distance between us–but we both just kept our postulates and communication alive, and I visited her many more times. We didn’t give up, and I proposed to her on New Years Eve at midnight, 2007. Amid fireworks and bells tolling, she said yes!
Thanks Marcia for creating this wonderful tool to help someone find their love, friend, husband or wife. I am truly happy with my wife and marriage and could not have done it without you and Affinity Exchange!
FROM YULIA: It took me seven years to find and recognize Jeff. I was looking online internationally because there seemed to be not that many men who share the same religious philosophy in my country (I’m originally from Russia and was living at the time in Canada). I always had this exciting idea about having an international family. It takes perseverance and intention because you start a lot of comm lines and many of them look so promising in the beginning, but then you find yourself disappointed and have to start the search all over again–and do this again and again. I went through a few periods of “I am not doing this online dating anymore,” but I would return to the website as why would I want to decrease my chances? I would rather increase them.
When I first saw Jeff’s profile, it actually caught my eye. I liked what he wrote about himself and I liked his picture, but I decided not to email him as he was too young for me (8 months younger). This was silly, of course, so I was lucky that he sent an email to me! Fortunately, I was within his age category. I was almost in apathy about online dating at that point, but somehow he made me laugh with one of his first emails, so it took some of the seriousness out of the game.
Here are some actions I took which I consider were successful. First of all, I wrote my 2D admin scale and then reworked it many times. Jeff also had his admin scale, so we were able to exchange and discuss them. My admin scale was quite detailed. I knew which points I would not compromise on.
We emailed each other every day, and then we called each other every single day–for 3 years! By the end of the first year I knew more about Jeff than anybody! If you don’t stay in close comm, you can’t do long distance for a long time because distance is a great challenge to affinity and reality, especially if you live in different countries and can’t just fly over every week. It actually is a good indicator as to whether the relationship can survive if you find enough points of reality and interest to be able to stay in close communication.
I received a lot of messages from other nice men, but after two or three emails, I just didn’t know what else I could talk about! I couldn’t squeeze out any more comm in their direction—it just wouldn’t flow. With Jeff, it was easy, it was flowing, and I enjoyed it. This is important too–you have to enjoy it; you can’t enforce it on yourself.
While in comm with Jeff, I started writing poems again and wrote quite a few. I was also able to accomplish something in my life which I thought I could never do. I think when you are with the right person you get more theta and surprise yourself. This indicated to me.
Another successful action was telling each other about “the skeletons in our closets” and accepting them from each other. This was really, really good because after that I felt he allowed me to be myself.
We also applied conditions. This actually worked like magic. At one point we almost broke up, but by applying conditions and getting off any withholds, we saved our relationship.
Then I remembered about flows. If you outflow, you get inflow. This stuff works!! I put a lot of work into my profile to express myself, plus I had a professional picture on the website. I had outflowed to guys, plus I helped other people to get on the website and helped them create and/or translate their profiles.
Jeff and I have been married over a year now. Sometimes I stop for a second and think, “Wow! Five years ago I wouldn’t think all this was possible!” Thanks, Marcia!!!